What Lies behind "Enjo-Kousai"
?
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| < Our Society Is Flooded with
Radical Sex Information > |
| Tagami: |
I hear that there are many sexless married couples among the younger generation
and they often seek counseling.
|
| Miyamoto: |
When a problem occurs in married life, few husbands try to directly face their
wives to reestablish their relationship. It is difficult for husbands to take
an interest in their wives and to take the time needed to reestablish their relationship.
Therefore when a wife refuses sex after a problem occurs, a husband will often
find a young girlfriend and have an affair with her. Many young wives are distressed
by their husbands' infidelity.
Also some husbands don't have sex with their wives because they are tired out
or suffer from stress at work. Others just have no interest in sex. Wives are
deeply hurt by their husbands' indifference and worried that they are no longer
sexually attractive. Many of them complain that when it comes to sex, it is extremely
difficult to talk about it frankly, as both husbands and wives become so serious.
|
| Minamino: |
Quite a number of husbands don't have sex with their wives or have an affair
with another woman but do masturbate. Is it burdensome for them to take steps
to have sex with their wives?
|
| Miyamoto: |
Many sexless husbands don't even masturbate. Those in counseling (mostly women),
who have been told that men have a strong sexual appetite, wonder how their husbands
satisfy their desire.
Wives who cannot tolerate being sexually ignored by their husbands will choose
to get a divorce. Even if they believe that their married life should not be dominated
by sex and having sex once a year is enough, they feel upset when they want to
have a baby. Some get a divorce not because they hate their husbands but because
they want a baby.
|
| < Why Do Wives Refuse Sex?
> |
| Minamino: |
I hear that after the first child is born, many husbands lose interest in
sex, because they see their wives not as a woman but as a mother.
|
| Miyamoto: |
In many cases, a wife refuses to have sex after she gives birth or she is
in her late 30s. That's because her husband has forced selfish sex on her for
many years. She uses the baby as an excuse to refuse sex.
|
Are Young People Unable to Establish
a Relationship with Others?
|
| < They Seek a Superficial
and Easy Relationship > |
| Tagami: |
In both "enjo-kousai" and sexless couples, young people's inability
to establish a relationship with others is noticeable.
|
| Miyamoto: |
Young people want to have a relationship with others, but they want to avoid
the complicated procedures involved in this and want to create a good relationship
easily.
|
| Tagami: |
When children communicate with friends, they tend to talk for a long time
on mobile phones rather than talking face to face.
|
| Minamino: |
It seems to me that an increasing number of children feel threatened when
they talk face to face with others.
They are extremely bad at making others understand their thoughts or at making
an effort to understand others. They believe that a true lover would understand
them even if they didn't explain their feelings. But that is a fatal misunderstanding.
Today the size of a family is small and parents excessively meddle in their children's
lives, so children take it for granted that others will always understand them.
They don't have an opportunity to develop communication skills among a group of
people.
|
| Miyamoto: |
They are afraid of exposing their weakness. If they frankly talk about themselves,
they might expose their weakness, so they just get along with others superficially.
|
| < Adults Cannot Trust Themselves
and Their Children > |
| Minamino: |
Children can rarely be relaxed both at home and school.
|
| Miyamoto: |
The less the number of children becomes, the more parents concentrate on their
children. As a result, the parent-child relationship has become too close.
|
| Tagami: |
Parents and teachers are concerned that all the children might be engaged
in "enjo-kousai". Therefore they keep a close eye on their children.
|
| Minamino: |
Just because parents and teachers don't trust them, children are always sensitive
and nervous, trying to prove that they are not involved in "enjo-kousai".
Consequently, they feel quite exhausted.
|
| Tagami: |
Today the media dispatches an explosion of information which arouses anxiety
among parents, so parents cannot trust the strength of their children, which in
turn indicates that parents lack confidence in themselves.
|
| Miyamoto: |
Parents don't and cannot trust themselves.
|
| Tagami: |
Insecure parents tend to trust the media rather than their own children. Then
children challenge their parents. That is a vicious cycle.
|
| Minamino: |
It might be one of the factors involved in "enjo-kousai".
|
| Miyamoto: |
Isn't it sad that the only way to prove your innocence is to hurt yourself?
|
| Tagami: |
Lack of a sense of existence, lack of fulfillment, and other "unfulfilled
desires" are said to be the causes of "enjo-kousai". If so, we
adults have to make every effort to create a society which will provide a deep
sense of fulfillment to children, especially female high school students. |
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